Luckily, there's an app for that. Sort of. Utilizing Golden Ratio Face, which uses artificial intelligence to spit out a handsomeness score, Phoenix New Times successfully quantified the facial attractiveness of our local coaches — both new and old — through intricate measurements such as facial symmetry and structure. Thanks to science, we can confidently say which local sports coach the robots believe is the sexiest.
Before running our coach's faces through the handsome-o-meter, we selected the most transparent photos of each to establish a level playing field. We ran them through Golden Ratio Face multiple times to ensure it produced a score. The "beauty score" is on a scale of 0 to 10.
Keep in mind this is all in good fun. As they say, beauty and handsomeness are in the eye of the beholder. Or, in this case, some random application in the iTunes app store.
Jedd Fisch, University of Arizona: 5.51
Jeff Fisch doesn't deserve this. Not after improving on a 1-11 record in 2021 with a 5-7 season a year later. He's been through enough trying to turn the Arizona football program around, yet here we are, giving his face what amounts to an 'F' grade.We apologize on behalf of the Golden Ratio Face app, Jedd. If it's any consolation, we have no issues with your face.
Kenny Dillingham, Arizona State University: 6.25
Right off the bat, we're killing a new guy. Call it rookie head coach hazing or ageism, but the survey says Kenny Dillingham — the 33-year-old first-year head coach of the Sun Devils — has his work cut out for him to climb the handsome standings.With a score of 6.25, Dillingham may want to toss a coach’s challenge flag on the field to understand better how his beauty assessment came to be. It seems as if the Golden Ratio Face app is not a huge college football fan.
Jonathan Gannon, Arizona Cardinals: 6.94
You can’t make this up. Our magic app has once again decided a first-year head coach needs to use some of his new contract money to improve his face. That's mean if you ask us.In his first year atop the Cardinals' coaching staff, Jonathan Gannon came in at the bottom of the handsome ranking. His facial feature assessment earned him a score of 6.94. The Golden Ratio Face app is a Kliff Kingsbury fan out for revenge. We're sure of it.
Torey Lovullo, Arizona Diamondbacks: 7.18
Torey Lovullo is 58 years old, but according to the handsome-o-meter, he's still a snack. The manager of the Arizona Diamondbacks clocks in with a respectable handsome score of 7.18 on the Golden Ratio Face scale.If we're being honest, the coach of a team playing extremely average baseball deserves an extremely average handsome score. In the world of AI face judging, we can't be handing out too many compliments to managers barely clinging to hopes of a Wild Card spot.
Do better, and you'll look better, Lovullo. It's akin to feeling good and looking good. Please help us, help you.
Frank Vogel, Phoenix Suns: 7.28
The handsome-o-meter thinks the new Phoenix Suns head coach is a baddie! Welcome to Arizona, Frank Vogel. Upon your plane landing, we scored your face a 7.28.Vogel's face — scrutinized by the Golden Ratio Face app for its harmony and balance — has been determined to be one of the most handsome mugs on the Arizona sports coach market. After being fired as head coach of the Indiana Pacers and Los Angeles Lakers in the past decade, this has to taste like sweet revenge.
André Tourigny, Arizona Coyotes: 7.4
Behold the second-sexiest man in Arizona sports: André Tourigny, head hockey shot-caller for your Arizona Coyotes. With a score of 7.4 in the handsomeness department, the Golden Ratio Face app considers Tourigny bald and beautiful.With his handsomeness off the charts, we're now bullish on Tourigny and the Coyotes entering the upcoming NHL season. After years of ups and downs, we'll cling to whatever we can.
Juan Guerra, Phoenix Rising: 7.7
And the winner of the AI handsome-off is Phoenix Rising head coach Juan Guerra. No upset here; the computers and robots determined that the 36-year-old Rising leader from Venezuela is at the top of professional sports leader handsomeness, clocking in at a high of 7.7 on the beauty scale.They don't always get it right, but we have to say we're in agreement that the dapper Guerra — barely removed from his playing days himself — is the Arizona sports leader most likely to appear on the cover of GQ or your partner's browsing history.
