Even if you're not impressed by gunshot saguaros and sweeping desert vistas, surely you have to be impressed by a 7,000-pound sport utility vehicle, right?

Jesse Wade hopes so. Wade has been giving off-road tours of Tonto National Forest for 10 years and finds that Grand Canyon-eschewing tourists are mighty impressed with his Hummer-handling ability. His four-hour tours cost $90 per person and include Wade's sometimes manic yet highly educational narration on desert plants, desert animals and the Valley's ongoing environmental crisis.

It's so hard to meet new friends, especially when you're hairy as a bear, with a wet nose and a predilection for sniffing butts. What's a dog to do?

Thank goodness for Chaparral Park, with its fenced, 1.3 acres of lush grass, trees and, on any given day, as many as 150 pets with people. Here's where our pampered pooches come to mix, mingle and, yes, sniff butts, with fellow canines enjoying a taste of off-leash freedom. The park's open until 9 p.m. daily, and it's usually packed around 7:30 p.m. Our pup's been socialized, so he knows how to behave with his new buds (no fighting, no biting).

And if we're lucky, we just might find a new friend of our own, too. Someone who loves pets as much as we do -- but no butt sniffers need apply.

We completely understand why our dog loves to ride in the car with his head out the window. Ears a-flappin', tongue a-lollin', nose a-sniffin'.

While the helmet law keeps our ears from flapping, nothing lets us experience all the sounds, textures and smells of our Sonoran landscape better than a motorcycle ride along a desert road.

And nothing brings the earth closer to us than a ride that takes us north on Pima Road, where we head east on Cave Creek Road and then out to Bartlett Dam. Sometimes we see mule deer, bald eagles, javelinas and coyotes. We also see a splendid array of indigenous desert plants -- majestic saguaro, mesquite trees and blooming ocotillo. At the lake, we preside over more than 2,815 acres of sparkling blue water. And if we time it just right, we head back west just as the sun soaks into the mountains of Cave Creek, capping our adventure with shimmering watercolors.

Okay, so this isn't the "Best of Eloy" issue -- but there's no zoning for dropping pedestrians from the sky in our fair city. Anyway, Eloy isn't that far away (halfway to Tucson), and it's got what it claims is the "world's largest skydiving center," with nearly 200,000 annual jumps. Skydive Arizona is also the favorite hangout for Valley skydivers for one particular reason: It has a bar. Not to mention a swimming pool, air-conditioned packing area, skydiving school, three landing areas, gear shop, restaurant, $5-per-night bunkhouse and volleyball court. To get there, take Interstate 10 east to Exit 198, turn left, drive seven miles, then go left on Tumbleweed Road. The uninitiated can take a tandem jump for $140, while lifts for the certified (or is that certifiable?) start at $17. Just chute me!

With 35,000 square feet of rails, decks and bowls, this park offers something for skaters of all levels. We've seen high-flying skateboard veterans, intermediate in-liners and even toddlers on Barbie skates having fun here. Considered one of the top skate parks in the country, Snedigar is a busy concrete island in a large, relaxing park setting. What sets it apart from the growing list of Valley skate parks? Extra amenities like well-placed benches, a picnic ramada, a nearby Bark Park for doggies and a kiddy swing along the fence so little ones (and whoever's pushing them) can watch the skaters show their stuff.

A pool and your money are soon parted at this luxury resort, where non-paying guests will sigh contentedly as your stress and cash quietly drain away under the swaying palms. Spy tanning celebrities, cut in front of children waiting for the 92-foot water slide, or swim up to the bar for an $8 piña colada -- the choice is yours.

Oh, did we mention you must rent a $105 to $150-per-day pool cabana for admission? "¡Ay, Cabana!" is right. But you can also bring along four friends and play in your private lounge area, and surely those Billmore (or is it Bilkmore?) fogies don't keep track of every towel.