In Defense of Fanny Packs

About a month ago, I met a new friend at the Jerusafunk CD release show at Crescent Ballroom. She was wearing a fanny pack, and she was excited about it. I asked if I could take her picture, and her immediate response was, “Yes, bitch!”

This made me smile from ear to ear. I felt like I truly met a fellow fanny pack tribe member. I adore fanny packs and the functionality they can bring to your life. They are the absolute perfect accessory for almost anything, and I especially love them for concerts.

Fanny packs, or “bum bags” as our friends in the U.K. refer to them, have been around well before the modern era. Belts with bags attached to them have been prevalent in cultures throughout the course of human history. There was the Native American buffalo pouch, the European medieval belt pouch, and even the Scottish sporran — all bags with belts attached designed to avoid the impracticality of pockets in their clothing. And a fanny pack is essentially nothing more than a belt with a bag attached to it. To some people they are a fashion statement, but to the true member of the fanny pack tribe, they are a way of life.

I have been in and out with fanny packs, but not always by choice. Some I have lost, some have been stolen, and sometimes it's harder to find the next one that will be near and dear to your heart.

You don't just buy a fanny pack — it has to speak to you.

As a touring musician and tribe member, fanny packs are essential to my success as a human, and not only while I'm on the road.

Regardless of whether I'm performing, I hate having stuff in my pockets while I am out at shows. In my humble opinion, pockets are one of the lamest places to have to hold your stuff when you're out — for dudes especially. I do not wear super-tight pants (and I'm not criticizing anyone who does), so I have the storage space. But even if it's just for holding your basic keys, wallet, and cell phone, pockets suck.

Enter the pocket's savior. Enter the fanny pack.

The fanny pack creates comfort and functionality options. Style ... whatever. That is opinion-based, judge away. Functionality is the name of the game in my book.

Most people do not want to roll with a backpack all night, and most clubs don't want that, either. A purse or satchel isn't a much better option. With the fanny pack, you grab everything you need to be fully independent and ready to go for any and all situations.

You can make fun of me all you want for sporting it, but I can dance more freely at shows because of it. I also don't have to fumble through my pockets when I am ordering a drink and looking for my wallet, and I know where my keys are all the time.

And I can also bring my phone charger, chapstick, eyeglasses case, snacks, and my vape pen, just to name some stuff — even a toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss, just in case I don't know where life is taking me. You definitely are not rolling with all of that in your pockets without major inconveniences and a little discomfort.

With the fanny pack, you get storage, comfort, and security. Smaller than a backpack and more comfortable than a shoulder strap satchel, fanny packs — or “bum bags” or belts with bags or whatever you want to call them — are here to stay.