The Bird pummels the MSCO, Scottsdale PD, and saves some licks for both Anonymous and Scientology

So who expected the voice of reason to be a Scientologist's? Not this cynical starling, who still thinks Scientology's full of hooey. But that's what church spokesman Sanford Block sounded like the other day when describing the secretive anti-Scientology group Anonymous.

Speaking of Anonymous' March 15 protest before the Church of Scientology's PHX HQ on Seventh Street just south of Indian School Road, Block acknowledged of the Internet-savvy horde, "This is sort of their way of taking things out of virtual reality."

Indeed, the majority of 50 or 60 individuals who made the scene for the largely peaceful protest, two days after the birthday of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, were 20-something Net-obsessed geeks who'd watched V for Vendetta and Fight Club one too many times.

Guy Fawkes masks from V for Vendetta were all the rage, as were signs ripping Scientologists Tom Cruise and John Travolta. One cherub-faced protester wore a giant hat inspired by The Nightmare Before Christmas. Another, dressed as a penguin, toted a "Fuck Scientology" sign.

The protest was part of a worldwide Anonymous demonstration, following up on Anonymous' successful February 10 demos, which also included the PHX ("Hubbard Haters," March 13). This time, Anons taunted folks standing outside the entrance to the church's Phoenix offices, assuming they were Scientologists. Problem is, most of them were actually the employees of a local telemarketing firm, which works in the same building.

"There are maybe two or three people in the Scientology office," telemarketer Greg Guilford told The Bird. "The rest is us. So they're not really doing anything but bothering us."

Old-school Scientology critic Jeff Jacobsen, whom New Times journo Tony Ortega profiled back in the day ("Picket Fencing," January 21, 1999), was also on the scene and defended the actions of the mostly younger protesters.

"We have freedom of speech in the United States," argued Jacobsen. "I'm not going to give that up. If it bothers people once in a while, that's too bad."

Via phone, Scientology spokesman Block insisted that the church had no problem with most of the mask-wearers and sign-wavers. It's when hacktivists pulled down Scientology Web sites or threatened Scientology venues that the church objected.

Block cited an incident in January, one verified by Phoenix Police Department PIO Stacie Derge, in which anti-Scientology fliers were posted to the windows of the church building in Phoenix, and a dead cat was left on its doorstep. The fliers featured the eerie motto: "We are Anonymous. We are legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget."

Kaput kitties aside, Scientology may be getting a taste of its own medicine, as it has tried jerking down anti-Scientology info off the Net before, and the church is notorious for harassing critics through lawsuits and its own picketing.

Still, The Bird wishes Anonymous would focus on protesting real evils here in Sand Land, not just fools who believe in stuff that has no basis in fact. The Bird's saying, why not protest Methodists or Mormons, if you're going to go after Scientologists? Ripping off the weak-minded is what religion's all about.