Raging Fizzgig

No one wants a mediocre death. Choking on Granny's homemade cookies or expiring of heart failure while effing the local manatee exemplifies such a pitiable ending. We want deaths that merit orchestral soundtracks, all brass and drums.

Emperor Skekso's demise in Jim Henson's 1982 cult film The Dark Crystal lives up to these standards. Prostrate on his deathbed, spattering and wheezing between words, Skekso proclaims his unrelenting grip on the Empire, only to disintegrate immediately thereafter into a pile of dusty morsels. The film showcases an eclectic cast of decrepit vultures, flute-wielding Gelflings, and virtuous Podlings that will make you regret the last time you masturbated.

So rejoice, friends of epic cinema and puppetry, during the 25th-anniversary screening of The Dark Crystal.